Gaited Step

She walked, like she did sometimes

Confident, but with a broken step

And she felt his eyes on her spine

Like somehow they mattered

But they never had

His eyes, like others before them

Were searching for a meaning that wasn’t there

And so they saw her, because she let them pass through

Because she knew they’d wander away

Past the broken step of her confident gait

Some eyes mattered, and never saw

For that was when her gait faltered over the cracked cement

The broken step was all there was to see

She walked, like she did sometimes

Confident, but with a broken step

Forced her head to stay upright

Wrenched her eyes away from the cracked cement

Hunched

Shoulders hunched

Neck tight

And that whiplash is flaring up again

Because I can’t think or at least not straight

Just crooked

You left me

But it’s not like I should be surprised

Pretty sure I’m just leavable

There’s higher heights to be reached, after all

Girls who know what it is to be alive

This isn’t living

Or at least I hope not

Please God don’t make me do THIS eternally

You may call it heaven

But that’s how I imagine hell

Not all of it, I mean

Just the part where you do something only for it to be undone

Or you love someone, only to have them walk away

Or you hurt for someone, and there’s nothing you can do

Or you do something, and you don’t know why

Or at least you don’t think to ask… why?

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

But maybe it’s just killing you slower

Than you ever thought possible

Insidious tears in the fabric of your being

Allowing life to drip out without your awareness

Look

Don’t think

Look

Now think

What did you see?

Was that who you are or who you were?

Was that who you wanted to be?

Do you look the same from the inside as the outside?

Exhaustion

That’s what I see

And for what?

I don’t know

No time to think

And yet no time not to

Look Up

Look up at me

Or at me, I mean

I guess for you, it’d be looking down

Yeah, that’s what I get

For being less than average

Height

Tell me what I want to hear

Or rather… the truth

I guess that means it’s going to hurt

But I guess that’s what it takes

For me to move

On

Take my hand, come with me

Or better, stop and think

And walk the way you need to

I suppose I need to learn too

How it feels to watch you walk

Away

Love me

Heck, just pretend you do

I know that it won’t mean a thing

But if I close my eyes real tight

I can imagine this moment

Lasts

Keep me safe

Or at least let me down easy

I guess that’s how it works in real life

When I’m just not your type

And I know that I will never be

Enough