Hunched

Shoulders hunched

Neck tight

And that whiplash is flaring up again

Because I can’t think or at least not straight

Just crooked

You left me

But it’s not like I should be surprised

Pretty sure I’m just leavable

There’s higher heights to be reached, after all

Girls who know what it is to be alive

This isn’t living

Or at least I hope not

Please God don’t make me do THIS eternally

You may call it heaven

But that’s how I imagine hell

Not all of it, I mean

Just the part where you do something only for it to be undone

Or you love someone, only to have them walk away

Or you hurt for someone, and there’s nothing you can do

Or you do something, and you don’t know why

Or at least you don’t think to ask… why?

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

But maybe it’s just killing you slower

Than you ever thought possible

Insidious tears in the fabric of your being

Allowing life to drip out without your awareness

Look

Don’t think

Look

Now think

What did you see?

Was that who you are or who you were?

Was that who you wanted to be?

Do you look the same from the inside as the outside?

Exhaustion

That’s what I see

And for what?

I don’t know

No time to think

And yet no time not to